「ぐるーん with プロフェッショナル」
エピソード「ぼく、どこからきたの？！」
↓
プロフェッショナルコメント白川美也子先生（NPO法人Seeding Hope 代表 精神科医）
このけんた君とママのエピソードは私たちにとって重要な２つのことを教えてくれます。
①「ほんとうのこと」を話す重要さ
そして
②里親と里子のつながり／親を教えにくる子どもという存在
についてです。
まず今日は①「ほんとうのこと」を話す重要さから、書きますね。
私は心の悩みや病気を扱う臨床と同時に、児童養護システムにかかわる精神科医として、いろいろな人に出会う機会をもってきました。
そのなかで、親子関係の真実を告げる重要さに直面したいくつもの経験があります。
このお話は複数の事例をもとに架空事例を作ったものです。
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Aさんは不妊に悩んでいました。そしてとうとう協力してくださる産婦人科医を見つけて、生まれたての赤ちゃんを自分の戸籍にいれることにしたのです。しかしそのことは人に話せることではありませんでした。
Aさんはおなかに少しずつ綿をいれて架空の出産の日を迎えました。最後の方は座布団をいれました。その秘密は旦那さんと産婦人科医しか知らなかったのです。そして、とうとう「出産」の日を迎えました。
周囲や近所の人にたくさんのおめでとうをいわれてAさんはうれしかったのですが、心のどこかで不安はあったそうです。そのままAさんは「生まれた」可愛い女の子、花ちゃんにほんとうのことを言えず、そればかりか、けんた君のような疑問をもたれたとき「自分のおなかから生まれたのよ」と嘘をいってしまっていたのでした。
花ちゃんはすくすく育ちましたが、次第に反抗的になりました。そして中学の頃から、危険なグループに出入りするようになりました。タバコを吸ったり、危ない行為に加担するようになったのです。Aさん夫婦が止めても聞かず、多くの子どもが自立する時期に、花ちゃんは何かあると家で大暴れをするようになって私の目の前に訪れました。
花ちゃんは入院しました。そして、入院時の面談で、私に真実を告げるようにいわれた母親は誰にもいえなかった秘密を話したのです。花ちゃんは「ふん」という顔をしていました。「やっぱりね！」と言い捨てたのです。
それから花ちゃんは、私に言われて内観ということをしました。内観療法の形にのっとり狭いお部屋に入って、①親にしてもらったこと、②親にして返したこと、③迷惑をかけたこと、をずっと考え続けたのです。
ある日、花ちゃんのなかに感情があふれました。どれほど愛されていたか、という記憶が、花ちゃんを包んでいた嘘の作り出していたなんともいえない不思議な膜を隔てて、花ちゃんの中に実感として流れ込んで来たのです。お母さんと赤ちゃんの関係は子どもの心にそのまま反映されます。花ちゃんは嘘によって微妙に生じた関係の歪みを「解離」という形で自らの心に内在化させて、生きづらさを抱えていました。その壁がとうとう破れたのでした。
A子さんと花ちゃんは、やっとほんとうの親子になったのです。花ちゃんがほんとうのことを知り、お母さんと深く結びつくことで、初めて自立への道を歩み始めました。
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「ほんとうの結びつき」は「ほんとうのこと」のなかに生じます。ですから「養子だったこと」「まるでお腹から子どもが生まれたように育てたこと」というほんとうのことを話せたAさんは長年の罪悪感から救われ、A子さんと花ちゃんは、初めてほんとうの結びつきを感じることができたのです。どれほど多くのことをこの２人は学んだことでしょう。結婚して赤ちゃんが授かっても授からなくても花ちゃんは自分が望めば素敵なお母さんになりそうですよ。
もちろん真実を告げる年齢やタイミングは、その家族の考えと状況によるべきです。「養子だなんて可哀想、絶対言えない」という思いのある里親さんはいないとは思いますが、もしその周囲の方でも「養子」ということに抵抗がある人は、ぜひA子さんと花ちゃんの幸せについて考えてみてくださいね。
さて、けんた君とママのストーリーに戻ると、けんた君のママがどれほど適切な対応をしているかがよくわかります。「通常のようにお腹から生まれて来なくても、神様にお願いするくらい来てほしくて、来てくれた子どもなんだ」
ということを明確に伝えているからです。生物学的な「ほんとうの子ども」ではなくても、「望まれて来たこと」を知ることこそ、もっとも大切なことだと思います。
この続きはまた（その２）で書きます。
Gruun with professionals...
Episode: Where in the world did I come from ?
Commented by professional, Dr. Miyako Shirakawa, Chief Representative of Seeding Hope/NPO: Psychiatrist
This episode of Kenta and his mother teaches us two important meanings.
----Telling things truly from bottom of heart
---And, the bonding of foster-parent(s) and foster-child(ren) / the existence of the child who came all the way to teach his(or her) parent(s)...
Today I am writing about the first issue. I, as a psychiatrist, had many opportunities of seeing all kinds of people by handling mental disorders/diseases clinically as well as taking care of juvenile welfare systems. Out of many cases, I had to confront numbers of experiences that taught us the importance of telling the truth about the parent(s)-to-child(ren) relation. This case of fictitious story was compiled based upon plural cases I encountered in the past.
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Ms. A had been suffering from infertility. Finally she found a gynecologist who would be helping to collaborate for her safe, and then she decided to included her newly born baby to be joined into her official family register. In fact, it wasn't a story that she could talk to others.
The day of giving a fake birth to her baby was finally approaching with her belly filled with cottons.Especially final days with a zabuton or floor cushion. The secret was kept within her husband and the gynecologist, And, she finally welcomed the delivering day to her baby.
Ms. A was happy to find that everybody surrounding her or neighbors were congratulating for this, however, she reminisced that she had some anxiety deep in her mind. Time had passed while she couldn't tell this true hidden story about this cute "newly born" baby to Hana-chan. To make matters worse, as in Kenta's case, she even told a lie that Hana-chan was born from her own belly when questioned.
Hana-chan grew rapidly, but she became rebellious. In junior high school years, she began to belong to a dangeour group. She smoked and stepped into dangerous acts. Ms. A and her husband tried to stop her doing so, but she never listened. While many children got independent, Hana-chan became so violent at home when she picked on one thing to another. And, then she appeared right in from of me asking for a consultation.
Hana-chan was hospitalized. At time of consultation for the hospitalization, spurred by my advice, the mother started to talk about the secret she couldn't disclose to anybody. Hana-chan was pouting, then she spat out by saying "Here you go..It's just like I thought"...
After that, as I advised, Hana-chan went through what is called "introspection". Going through the procedures of this introspective therapy, we entered into a small room, and she continued to think back....* Things she was given from her parents", "Things she reciprocated to her parents" and "Things she thought she has given troubles to her parents".....
One day, many reminiscences of how much Hana-chan was loved were over-flooded into Hana-chan's mind of reality, the truth of which, until that time, might have been barricaded by a set of lie or untangible mysterious barrier that had encircled her for quite some time. Relation between mothers and babies directly reflects upon the mind of the babies. Hana-chan dwelled in her mind of estrangement which was delicately born out of a crooked relationship caused by the lie, thus she lived an awkward life. The barrier has eventually broken down.
Ms. A and Hana-chan finally established a true parent-child relationship. By bonding deeply to the mother, Hana-chan, first in her life, began her way to independence.
The true bonding bears within true things. By speaking out true stories, that are "Hana-chan has been a foster-child" and "Ms. A raised Hana-chan as if she herself gave her a birth", Ms. A then was set free from the sense of guilt she suffered for years. In this way, first time in their lives, Ms. A and Hana-chan could feel the true bonding each other. They must have learned quite a lof of things in life. When Hana-chan gets married to someone, and regardless of being blessed with a baby or not, it looks like she would become a lovely mother if she chooses to be happy.
"Whenever and however" the true stories are to be properly told ? Naturally, it should depend upon each family situation. I believe not many foster-parents say like "Foster-child! it's so sad for me to say it. I never can tell about it", but if there are some who would resist to talk about "foster-child", please by all means think of the happiness Ms. A and Hana-chan finally won in their hands.
Well, back to the story of Kenta-kun and his mother, it is obvious that she properly handles and responds to her own case. She explicitly conveys her message to Kenta-kun that he is the child brought to her after she strongly begged God to do so, even he was not born from her own belly....Even if he or she wasn't born truly or biologically, it is extremely important for him/her to know they were born to this world with loving expectation.
To be continued to Part II.............