実子を育て上げ、「子どもって可愛い可愛い」と育てても思う通りにはいかないもんなのね．．．と悟った頃、1歳半で里子のピカが我が家にやってきました。あっという間に5年が経ちます。
ピカはとにかく可愛かった。でも、小さいのに甘えない。表情もあまり動かない。声も出さないから、どんな声かな…と思っていました。
あまりに甘えてこないので、親と認めてもらっていないのかな、私の事を拒否しているのかな…寂しさとイライラが募りました。今思えば、あの頃は、淡々とお世話をしている感じだった気がします。
それでも、お風呂上りに「体さんに優しくしようね」と身体中にクリームを優しくぬりました。寝る時は、添い寝を嫌がるピカに、毎日頭を撫でたり背中をさすったりしました。ふれ合う事の心地よさを感じて欲しかったのです。
気づいた時には抱っこが好きで、おでことおでこを合わせるのが好きで、一日中おしゃべりしている、明るい子に成長していました。おねだりする時の顔と言ったら天下一品！なんでも許したくなってしまう。子どもにとってはまずふれ合うことがとにかく大事だと、改めて思っています。ふれ合うことで相手を思う気持ちが芽生え、癒され、自分を好きになることができます。
ピカには色んなことを教えてもらいました。血のつながりを超え愛おしいと思う気持ち。母の日の似顔絵に至福の喜びを感じ、毎日ピカの存在に泣いて笑っています。そして、ちょっとの忍耐。小さい器だった私をほんの少し成長させてくれました。
主人の「子育てしてる君が好きだ。」の言葉に「あと一人くらい育てようかな。」と思って始めた里親ですが、今では、「もう一人子どもが欲しいな」なんて思っています。将来は、主人と写真を見ながら、たくさんの子ども達との楽しかった日々を語りながらラブラブで過ごすのが密かな夢です。
最後になりましたが、私も里親として、ほんの少し里親制度の実情や子供たちの現状を知る立場として、ぐる〜んを応援しています。ぐるーんの活動が行政も巻き込んで、大きく、ますます活発に発展してくれればと思っています。
This is the message from Umida-san who is an adoptive parent as well as Grunn supporter.
As I raised my own children I felt that things do not always go smoothly, even though you really feel that they are very cute. As I realized this fact, a year and a half later adoptive child, Pika-chan, came to us. Five years have passed since then.
Pika-chan was really cute, but in spite of smallness she was not spoiled, did not show much facial expressions, and did not voice. I wondered what kind of voice she has.
She did not show any desire to be spoiled, so I felt if she was not accepting me as a parent, or she was rejecting me as a parent. The feeling of loneliness began to accumulate, and at that time I felt as if I just kept myself busy by taking care of her.
When she came out of the bath I put cream on her body by saying let’s be gentle to our bodies. At bed time she did not like to sleep with another person, so I stroke her head and back gently. I just wished that she would develop the happy feeling of being touched.
Before I realized it she began to like to be hugged, liked to touch each other’s foreheards. She now keeps talking all day. She has grown to be a cheerful child. When she wants to be soiled her facial expressions are so wonderful that I feel like allowing her to do anything. I now strongly feel that for children touching is very important. By touching they develop the ability to think about other people, feel healed themselves, and begin to like themselves.
I have learned a great deal from Pika-chan: the ability to love someone without regard to blood ties, the feeling of extreme happiness when receiving the drawing of my likeness on Mother’s Day. Now I cry happily in the presence of Rika-chan. She has made me to grow, who was impatient and small.
I became an adoptive parent when my husband told me that he liked to see me when I was taking care of the children. Now I am thinking of having another child of our own. My secret desire in the future is to spend with my husband in a loving relationship while watching the pictures that show the wonderful, happy times that we have spent with all our children.
Lastly I shall keep supporting Grunn as someone who knows a little about the real conditions of the adoptive system and adoptive children. I really wish Grunn will expand its activities including political involvements.