乳児院でケンタと会い始めた頃は、不安が期待を上回っていた。

一緒に食事をしたり、遊んだり。何をしていても私にそっけなく、保育士さんを追いかけ回していたけんた。

乳児院のみんなで海に行った時もそう。私とけんたをできるだけ一緒にしようとしてくれている保育士の努力虚しく、けんたは保育士を探しては抱っこ、抱っことせがんでいたっけ。

不安と、居心地の悪さと、仕方ないという諦めと…いろんな気持ちを抑えながら、砂で汚れた手足を洗いにけんたと2人で水道を探しに行くことに．．．。

途中、疲れたけんたが、私にだっこを求めてきた。ドキドキした。

手足を洗い終えた後も、けんたは私から離れようとせず、二人だけの時間をしばらく過ごした。

他の子が来た時、こう言った。

「ダメ！けんたのママだから！」

その日以来、これまで我慢してきた抱っこを取り戻すかのように、抱っこ抱っこのけんたとの生活がスタートしたのだ。

小学生になり、以前よりずっと減ったとはいえ、抱っこはまだ続いている。あとどの位抱っこをせがまれるのだろう。まだしばらくは続いて欲しい気がする。

When I started seeing Kenta at the infant-facility, anxiety certainly exceeded my expectations.I tried my best to have meals with him or play around together, but Kenta was just nonchalant about me, and he was rather chasing a child-care staff there.

Same happened when we all once went to seashore. The child-care staff attepted making both of us together there as much as she could, but Kenta was rather looking for the staff  to beg for a number of Daccos (hug/cuddle).

With fear, uneasiness or some sense of resignation combined, I tried to suppress my mixed emotions....I kind of remember it was time when we both tried to look for some faucet to wash our dirty hands/feet with sand....On the way, Kenta seemed tired and asked for dacco. I found my heart beaten up quite strong.

Even after washing our hands/feet, he didn't want to detach himself from me, thus we had our own time together for quite some time. When some kid came to me, surprisingly enough Kenta said "Don't get close to her, it's my mom!"  Ever since this incident, series of dacco (hug/cuddle) life days started as if he wanted to recover a number of  past daccos he must have missed out from me.

Now he became an elementary school grader, but daccos still continue... though much less now. I wonder how many daccos he may beg from this time onward...nevertheless, I would rather like this continued until some time later.